Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
