I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
