So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the condom got lost in my hair
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We left the knife in your bed.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
