Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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