he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
