Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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