matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize