college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
