i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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