I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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