She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
home. puking in laundry basket.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
