So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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