Do you still have your period?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize