Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
