that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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