We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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