God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do vagina's smell?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
