We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
