Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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