We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
