my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
