Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
