why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
