Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize