Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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