everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
