Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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