Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize