Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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