I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize