Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
