I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
