we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
