a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
