Jerry, you need to find god
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
