One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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