I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
