Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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