I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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