Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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