Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
