I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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