Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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