Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
