I think i peed on brittanys purse
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
