it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
