i'm signing you up for texting rehab
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
