Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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