You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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