Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
