You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
