she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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