You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
