Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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