It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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