Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
