Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
