when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize