Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
