I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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