Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish I only lived at night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
