something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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