dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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