So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
