I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
