Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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