We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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