We're facebook friends in real life
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
