dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
