i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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