OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
