My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
