Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
