She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
