hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
