I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
