I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There are leaves in my underwear?
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