I hate your face
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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