you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
